I Have Succumbed Because of a Gateway Drug

I have gone to the dark side. The side I swore I was going to put my sister in an institution for. She was the one on her computer/phone/pda/camera/gps constantly. I was the one yelling at her to knock it off. Have some human interaction every now and then.
Well, now I've gone and done it. It started with a faster computer. Last summer, I hopped on Facebook, and quickly became and addict. I also got an iPhone, which I swore was the last straw. Now I am blogging and tweeting and almost Squidooing. And I have to say, it is very fun and very exciting!

If you feel like your Facebooking is a gateway drug to other social networking, and you need help (as in, how do you get on those networks, what are they?) I am here to help! Please let me know! I think I will write a manual for some desperate soul out there and post it Squidoo. Standby...

We all know and love our Moms, right?

I am in direct sales and I work from home. I do this for many reasons, not the least of which is that I love not having to go to an office. I like the work. I like the money. I love taking the kids to the pool in the summer, and I love that they don't have to go to day care. For some reason my 10 year old daughter is not so keen on the great things about this kind of job. Here is the letter she wrote:

Our Moms and Their Home Jobs

By: Sassy Pants Lowell

We all know and love our moms right? Well how do feel about their home business? I know the I don’t like it at least most of the time. Since my mom works at night, I feel like I don’t get to see her as much as other kids see there moms. Because I get home from school at 4 and she leaves normally at 4:30 or 5. But the good part is she can watch me when I’m sick or off school.

My mom has parties were not allowed to go to. Dad can’t even go. Mom works for a business called Slumber Parties. I know and you know that it is a weird job.

Here are questions you can ask your self about your moms work:

Do I like her job?

Do I need to know more about her Job?

What is her job?

Is there something in it for me?

Do I care?

If you need to talk about it with her, talk about it!

Gulp. My first reaction is a ridiculous amount of guilt. I am a constant guilt monger, and I worry about what my kids feel just like any working mom. My second reaction comes a minute later, and is one of irritation. Gimme a break! She has no idea how good she has it! Don't you think she is really bustin' my chops?

When she was writing it, she was asking for spelling help, so I got to jump in there and help her "remember" about summer fun and sick days. And for the record, when I have a party, I usually leave at 5-5:30, and that is about 6 times a month. She apparently knows exactly which subjects cut right to the quick with me.

I have had suggestions to put them into day care for a month, and let them see what it's really like. I tend to think that is a little extreme, but I do know some perspective would be awesome. Part of the puzzle of my particular direct sales job is the product itself. I sell racy items that have to be kept behind locked doors until the kids are a little older. I know my daughter is curious about all the secrecy. I tried to mitigate this by offering to pay her for helping me put name and number labels on some of the lotions. She gets to help me tag the lingerie, at least the stuff that is fit for 10 year old eyes. I had a nice chat with Sassy Girl (well more like "at" her) where I explained I am a sex educator, and my life's work has been working with women and their sexuality. Of course it was totally over her head, but I was trying to be inclusive, so everything wasn't such a mystery. It's tricky.

I guess the main thing that keeps me from feeling bad is that I really, really love my work. I get a huge sense of accomplishment when I make people laugh, help them with a problem, or just bring home the bacon. Somehow I have to find a way to share these genuine feelings along to my daughter, so I am empowering my future woman right here at home.

A New Frontier

What's a chick like me going to write about? Today is the first day of blogging. It is exciting and scary and full of weird pressures. Luckily for me, ignorance has been bliss-I haven't paid much attention to the ins and outs of blogging, I've just been merrily reading along. Now I am taking a stab at it:

So...
I have been thinking about a character from the movie Short Cuts by Robert Altman. She is Honey Bush, and she earns a living working a 1-900 number, doing phone sex. The funny thing is that she does this at home, with two kids in diapers running around. You see her, fully dressed in mom gear, sitting at the kitchen table, making a sandwich, saying "oh yeah, right there" into the phone. It plays as a comedy scene.

Lately, I have been thinking about my job in a similar way. I do in-home parties selling awesome product to enhance the romance in everyone's lives. It's like I'm the TumbleWare rep., only with products that are a whole lot more interesting! Now, don't get me wrong. I love this job, and it certainly pays the bills. But, it seems like a true oxymoron: Life in suburbia. Surrounded by upstanding citizens on all sides. Tidy neighborhoods filled with children, dogs, and happy couples. (Well the realities of that are a "whole 'nother Oprah" as they like to say) And here's me, with a room full of Ben Wa Balls and Bendy Beavers and Coochy shave cream. When you cut it down to it's most basic reality, I sell sex toys in a totally pristine atmosphere.

The humor is everywhere. Imagine driving down the road and something with batteries is going of in the cargo hold. I ask for extras on the gigantic bags at Target at Christmastime to cover and transport the Love Swing to and fro. I swap product with other distributors by placing a black bag of "goodies" on her doorstep while grabbing the bag she set out for me. I routinely talk to my coworkers husbands about arousal creams, and no one bats an eye. My husband helps me with inventory by calling out the names of various and sundry vibrators and what count. You see? It is all very normal to us. But from an outside perspective, it's a bit nutty.

For me, what I sell is not just about sex. It is about education, having fun, and empowerment. I help marriages. I help women and men. I bring joy to our world, and help with suburban blight! It's been four years, and I can honestly say I can't see myself doing anything else right now.